When all else fails = top ten list!

Hello internet peoples!

Many of you "know" me, many of you don't. The ones that do tend to think of me as a well put togethor young man (don't you... I SAID DON'T YOU!). Those of you that know me very well, know that I am a neurotic, crazy little person... that has crazy little fears. Things that any "normal" person may scoff at, I see as inherent elaborate death traps that are out to get me and everyone I care about (all two of you). I do a good job off keeping that part of me locked up within the prison that is my brain, but to those I feel comfortable enough to share with, they know that there is just a river of crazy that flows beneath the surface.

My fears can really be broken up into two groups; 1.) Legitimate/logical fears (these are things people actually die off, all the time) and 2.) Phobias/Illogical fears (these are the things my parents are to blame for).

Now, there comes a time in life for everyone, when they have to face my fears.

Lucky you! That time has come!

BEHOLD! EDDIE'S PARTIAL TOP-TEN LIST OF THINGS TO FEAR!

#10: Heights

When I was young lad, my family took me to a mystical land filled with wonder and natural splendor. A land of snow bunnies, and green forrests. A place filled with tourist traps where you could sit back, relax, and enjoy the hot springs. This place was called.... Colorado.

My parents being confronted on what to do with our time while in Colorado had to make a choice, either let their precious eldest son sit back and enjoy life, or scar him for the rest of it.

They chose the latter.

This is a actual picture of Black Bear Pass that runs between Ouray and Silverton in Colorado.

My lovely parents took me on this, screaming and terrified, looking over the non-existant edge of the road 13,000 ft down. Thats a long enough fall to just about reach Terminal Velocity... you know what happens to you on impact at that speed? You explode... from the inside.

Doesn't that sound like fun!

Now before you go and call me a big old wuss, ask yourself if you would gladly cross over this...

Yeah, thats what I thought. How does it feel knowing that there is a ram out there, that is pretty much 500X tougher then you... a little scary eh? Wuss.

#9: Strangers

Let me explain for those of you who never went to kindergarden. There are two main classifications in this world for people.

There are those you know, then there are those who you don't know. The latter group is known as Strangers.

Now you may say to yourself, "Self, strangers don't seem too bad..." and at first glance they may not! Afterall, your typical stranger will normally come bearing gifts. Candy, puppies, toys and balloons could all be yours if you were to just drop your guard and allow this semingly nice person you don't know to give you a ride in their windowless van.

ITS A TRAP!

Upon entering the mobile coffin/torture lab that is the moving van, the stranger is illuminated by sunlight for the first and last time, what you thought was a nice, old woman turns into...

Yeah, hows it feel to be screwed? SCARY AINT IT!

#8: Peter Pan

But... Peter Pan isn't scary! They made a Disney movie about him that we all love and enjoy. My daughter has a tinker bell blanket that she sleeps with every night!

WRONG AND HERES WHY!

How does that picture make you feel?

Confused?

Lonely?

Lost in a cold, unforgiving place?

Perhaps.... AFRAID?!?!

Peter Pan is terrifiying because it allows grown ass men to act out childish fantasys about never growing old... well guess what Bucky? We all grow old! We all have mortgages/rent to pay, we all have people we have to take care of. Just because you slap on some green tights and a pretty little hat does not mean you get to fly towards the second star on the right, straight on til morning.

Not to mention, I have always been creeped out a little about a immortal child-god that has a band of child warriors who will fervishly carry out his orders. For years they terrorize the poor sailors trapped on the island, like little children of the corn, they don't give up until every last adult is dead or dying.

It wasn't enough that Pan took Hooks hand; he could't stop until the old man was no more. I mean really, who do you think started the whole feud between them?

Professional sailor and Capitan of a ship...

or

A never aging, anarcist who has been collecting orphaned and lost children to live on his island and worship him as a god. Who might just hate another authority figure stepping onto his private little island of fantasy. Pan is a madman (boy).

Tell me thats not scary...

Now, I have some homework to do so I will post the rest of the list throughout the week or so, sleep well tonight my babies!