Who's a big fat liar?

I AM!

Many moons ago, an oath was made to the pagan gods of rock. I asked them, as their humble servant, to fill me with the awesome blogging powers of EL DIABLO (that's Spanish... for the devil). In exchange for being filled to the brim with the dark masters bubbly awesome...ness I had to agree to continue to rock out with my socks out here on my little corner of the Internet. Guess what I immediately went and did instead?

That's right, get obsessed with Fable 2. Though I did manage to amass a virtual real estate empire worth MILLIONS of gold, it was not what the dark lords asked of me, and lately I could just feel the awesome oozing away from me... and oozing awesome should be a one way street, hopefully you can guess which way.

Ok... so... none of that happened. Well, Fable 2 obsession did, but the whole being filled with the powers of Satan... not so much. Not that I haven't tried, I hear he's a pretty cool guy once you get past the whole "I want to consume your soul with a side of fava beans and a nice Chianti." thing. He just wont return my calls. I think our Ouija board may be busted.

Truth is, I got lazy. I got lazy and forgetful.

As anyone who knows me can tell you, and if you don't know me... why are you reading this? Do I have a Internet stalker? Are you hot? A/S/L?

Uhhh... yeah as I was saying, two of my most endearing qualities are that I am lazy and forgetful (but in a O so adorable way), so chances are I won't take out the trash, I probably will forget to do the dishes, and I may or may not take a shower. Life is just more exciting when you don't know whats gonna happen! Every day is a new surprise of failure and regret and it is wonderful (I exaggerate for comedic purposes here... I have a wonderful life, and I am a very responsible young lad with very pretty, clean hair) never knowing which way things will go that day.

So it may not come as a shock to many of you that this little blog fell by the wayside. Some may say it is even ironic (not Alannis Morissette ironic... the real ironic) that the last post to this blog was extolling my renewed sense of enthusiasm towards keeping up on this here thing.

Well screw you people for not having faith in me to do it! I blame you for the downfall of the blog and for all the evils currently plaguing society! Kroc's... your fault and you know it.

If there is one characteristic about me that outshines all others... I am competitive as all hell. My future sister-in-law has started her own little Internet garden, and my wife continues to work on her forever more popular then mine blog as she always has.

I refuse to let them live in the limelight, your love and adoration belongs to me!

So... expect more (complete) top ten lists... some in-depth video game reviews and the random crap that just tends to spew from my brain.

Prepare to sit back, shut up and enjoy the god damn view or I swear to god I will turn this blog around!

(So yeah, expect more posts from me... and leave me a little love if you do read... comments make my day)

Fourth of July blues...

Yeah... I know. Four posts in, then the blog goes inactive, another tragic blogging story for the internet ages.

Well I got news for you, you smary sons of bitches, this blog aint going nowhere! (Ehhhh, that doesnt read as well as it should)

For those of you who do not work in a hotel in Prescott, Arizona you are probably unaware of the fact that the July 4th holiday week, and the week following are typically the busiest weeks of the year for us. One week we turn into a frathouse for retirees and real estate agents, the other we fill up with members of a church based out of Prescott whose emblem is the world burning... and whose 4th of July float is a extremelly realistic snuff scene feature El Jesus Cristo.

Both weeks are filled with me running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to figure out if we have six or seven adults staying in a one bed standard room, and attempting to build another wing of the hotel for those walk-ins who just CANNOT believe we have no more rooms available.

In other words, I hustled and bustled my sweet caboose off.

Said bustling and hustling and cabooseing cut into my blogosphere time, BUT NO MORE!

I am off in about 30 mins to enjoy a weekend filled with smore's and bear attacks but as soon as I get back Sunday you can expect the next part of my TOP TEN THINGS THAT MAKE ME PEE MY PANTS (title in progress).

So all of you prepare... prepare for it to be on, like Donkey Kong.

When all else fails = top ten list!

Hello internet peoples!

Many of you "know" me, many of you don't. The ones that do tend to think of me as a well put togethor young man (don't you... I SAID DON'T YOU!). Those of you that know me very well, know that I am a neurotic, crazy little person... that has crazy little fears. Things that any "normal" person may scoff at, I see as inherent elaborate death traps that are out to get me and everyone I care about (all two of you). I do a good job off keeping that part of me locked up within the prison that is my brain, but to those I feel comfortable enough to share with, they know that there is just a river of crazy that flows beneath the surface.

My fears can really be broken up into two groups; 1.) Legitimate/logical fears (these are things people actually die off, all the time) and 2.) Phobias/Illogical fears (these are the things my parents are to blame for).

Now, there comes a time in life for everyone, when they have to face my fears.

Lucky you! That time has come!

BEHOLD! EDDIE'S PARTIAL TOP-TEN LIST OF THINGS TO FEAR!

#10: Heights

When I was young lad, my family took me to a mystical land filled with wonder and natural splendor. A land of snow bunnies, and green forrests. A place filled with tourist traps where you could sit back, relax, and enjoy the hot springs. This place was called.... Colorado.

My parents being confronted on what to do with our time while in Colorado had to make a choice, either let their precious eldest son sit back and enjoy life, or scar him for the rest of it.

They chose the latter.

This is a actual picture of Black Bear Pass that runs between Ouray and Silverton in Colorado.

My lovely parents took me on this, screaming and terrified, looking over the non-existant edge of the road 13,000 ft down. Thats a long enough fall to just about reach Terminal Velocity... you know what happens to you on impact at that speed? You explode... from the inside.

Doesn't that sound like fun!

Now before you go and call me a big old wuss, ask yourself if you would gladly cross over this...

Yeah, thats what I thought. How does it feel knowing that there is a ram out there, that is pretty much 500X tougher then you... a little scary eh? Wuss.

#9: Strangers

Let me explain for those of you who never went to kindergarden. There are two main classifications in this world for people.

There are those you know, then there are those who you don't know. The latter group is known as Strangers.

Now you may say to yourself, "Self, strangers don't seem too bad..." and at first glance they may not! Afterall, your typical stranger will normally come bearing gifts. Candy, puppies, toys and balloons could all be yours if you were to just drop your guard and allow this semingly nice person you don't know to give you a ride in their windowless van.

ITS A TRAP!

Upon entering the mobile coffin/torture lab that is the moving van, the stranger is illuminated by sunlight for the first and last time, what you thought was a nice, old woman turns into...

Yeah, hows it feel to be screwed? SCARY AINT IT!

#8: Peter Pan

But... Peter Pan isn't scary! They made a Disney movie about him that we all love and enjoy. My daughter has a tinker bell blanket that she sleeps with every night!

WRONG AND HERES WHY!

How does that picture make you feel?

Confused?

Lonely?

Lost in a cold, unforgiving place?

Perhaps.... AFRAID?!?!

Peter Pan is terrifiying because it allows grown ass men to act out childish fantasys about never growing old... well guess what Bucky? We all grow old! We all have mortgages/rent to pay, we all have people we have to take care of. Just because you slap on some green tights and a pretty little hat does not mean you get to fly towards the second star on the right, straight on til morning.

Not to mention, I have always been creeped out a little about a immortal child-god that has a band of child warriors who will fervishly carry out his orders. For years they terrorize the poor sailors trapped on the island, like little children of the corn, they don't give up until every last adult is dead or dying.

It wasn't enough that Pan took Hooks hand; he could't stop until the old man was no more. I mean really, who do you think started the whole feud between them?

Professional sailor and Capitan of a ship...

or

A never aging, anarcist who has been collecting orphaned and lost children to live on his island and worship him as a god. Who might just hate another authority figure stepping onto his private little island of fantasy. Pan is a madman (boy).

Tell me thats not scary...

Now, I have some homework to do so I will post the rest of the list throughout the week or so, sleep well tonight my babies!

The fight not to bite...

I have attempted some fairly difficult things in my life.

I have attempted military service, I have attempted college, I have attempted to stay in the same room after my brother has let one rip (you know what I'm talking about) without vomiting in all four corners.

I have been through some hard things.

I have almost died once or twice, seen people I love and care about nearly pass from this world, I have had serious political discussions with Nick Pearsall (I <3 Nick, but its like rubbing your face off with sandpaper, just when you think it can't get any worse... it does).

I only bring these things up so that you can fully appreciate and understand when I tell you the hardest, crappiest thing I have ever done in my life is currently going on as I type. I am trying to quit biting my finger nails. O...M...G... I think it is driving me crazy. I get actual physical urges that I need to surpress, and when I do... it feels like ants are running in my blood. Million of little ants that want me to bite, chew, and rip those precious cuticles off the tips of my fingers. It's so bad, that last night... I dreamed of biting my nails completly off, in the dream I kept chewing past the nail, past the first bend in my fingers... I kept chewing til there was nothing left but ten bloody nubs hanging from my hand, and you know what? I liked it, in fact.. I loved it.

I think I have some serious issues...

In other news... Michael Jackson passed away today. Whether or not you liked the guy, I don't think anyone can deny that he made some damn good music. Thats all I gots to say bout that.

P.S. I hope this isnt the precursor to the zombie invasion...

A little about your host...

Blogging is hard.

I'm only on my second post since the creation of this little thing, and I'm already drawing a blank on what I should talk about to please the seething masses.

Why did I start a blog to begin with?

O yeah, cause I'm a giant attention whore. That is only ONE of the reasons though (I'll admit though, its a big reason). Another is that I need something to do at work cause lord knows there sure as shit isn't any actual work to do around here.

I'll walk you through a typical work day here at the hotel:

5pm: I arrive at work.

5:20pm: The boss leaves.

5:25pm: I pull out the laptop. Proceed to think of new things to look at on the internet

11pm: I go home.

Rinse and repeat five to six times a week. Add in the slow, agonizing death of my soul, and you now know what it means to be me at work.

Don't get me wrong, my life is wonderful. I have a hot, brilliant, wife who actually thinks I'm funny (sometimes), a beautiful baby... something... on the way, and I love and get along with my family who lives in the area.

It's just that six hour section of the day (hotel is too cheap to give us all full shifts right now) that I spend sitting my ass in a seat at the hotel that makes me want to pull my eyeballs out with some rusty tongs. And yes, I know, worst run-on sentence ever, Mr./Ms. Literary work of art writer, just remember... I'm not paying you to think.

But I guess thats why they call work, work. Work in latin means: "To slowly cut ones testicles off with a dull spoon."

I read that somewhere... in a book. I'm pretty sure Jesus said it.

But yes, if anyone has any suggestions for things that I could look at on the vast internets; I would greatly apprecieate it. I'm to the point now where I just cycle through the same four websites, praying that there is something new to look at when I refresh them. I don't know if you have ever gotten to that point of boredom, but I'm pretty sure its what happens to you on the third layer of hell.

I'm gonna run off now, and refresh those four pages... maybe something new will pop up that I can actually talk about!

This is a test of the emergency broadcast system...

Hello internet!

My name is Eddie, so nice to meet you!

I have decided to follow in the footsteps of my lovely wife, Amy, and start a shiny, new blog of my own! I love the act of writing, but suck at the art of it. So what better place then the internet to do it? I don't have to worry about things like spealing (see what I did there, I proved a point!), grammer or proper language use, its like Mogli living in the jungle with all the animals. They think hes speaking perfect english, when in reality hes speaking portugese (that made alot more sense in my head).

Obviously I am not near as cool as my wife; chances are she is the only one actually reading this. Hi Honey! Have I mentioned how pretty you are? Don't forget to cook a pizza for me before I get home! Yeah, I see you there baby, shaking that as... o... I'm sorry. I forgot that other people might be here.

So anywho, I plan on using this little piece of virtual real estate to rant and rave about all the things in this world which are cruel and unjust and which I hate with a burning, fiery, passion... for example, what the hell is up with... stuff. Stuff sucks and we as a people shouldnt stand for it! Viva la resitance!

Ok, so I don't really have anything to rant about yet... BUT I WILL! I guess you'll just have to follow me to find out what I (and you by extension) should be furious about!

I may be back with more later, if you treat me nice.